Getting where I'm going

Wow. It’s been three months since I have paid any attention to my blog.  Do forgive me, please. 

I’ve been in a sort of funk for the last three months, and not a whole lot that has crossed my mind has been anything I would prefer to post for the world to read.  Partly because I only just identified the root of my funk, and partly because work has been pretty crazy the last few months.

I have found myself feeling somewhat restless and melancholy lately.  I realized yesterday that the reason for the restlessness is that I don’t currently have any life changes happening in the foreseeable future. 

Let me explain:  I have had life changes every year since at least 2004, sometimes multiple ones in one year.  Every year since 2008, I have had at least one major life change a year. 

Here’s my list of changes:

2004: Graduated High school, Moved to the US, Started College

2005: Got my first job (non work-study) at Starbucks, Moved out of the dorms and into campus apartments, got to travel overseas 3 times

2006: Nothing beyond the gap between semesters, Summer work schedule, traveling overseas

2007:  I got to travel overseas,  was in three weddings three consecutive weekends in a row (lifelong best friend, brother, college roommate). I did an internship at a TV station in Dallas, and also had the regular gap between semesters and a Summer work schedule

2008: Took my last trip overseas with my old church,  graduated from college, went back to Guatemala for a few weeks, became an aunt, and then moved to Romania

2009: While living in Romania, I got to visit Poland, Greece (favorite place on earth) and Hungary. I also moved back to the US and Went back to work at Starbucks.  Another old college roommate got married.

2010: Finished my requirements so I could get hired as a teacher, was hired to teach bilingual 4th grade, and quit Starbucks. I moved into my own apartment.  Over Christmas and New Year’s I went back to Guatemala for the last time before my parents moved from there permanently.

2011: Lost my teaching job and found out about BCF in the same day, Became a fully certified teacher, interviewed and got a job offer in Houston (not teaching), moved to Houston, helped plant BCF. Yet another old college roomie tied the knot. My parents also were in the States for 6 months, so I was back and forth between Houston and the DFW area a lot.

See what I mean? My life has been crazy and that’s only going back 8 years since I have been out of my parents’ house.  Don’t ask me about the 18 before it. There isn’t enough time.  Suffice it to say, change is normal for me.

Enter 2012.  The changes are not always foreseen or expected at the beginning of the year.  I generally get somewhat restless when there is not a big change coming, but usually a change comes eventually.  I have begun to get restless over something, and really only realized yesterday it is over the lack of upcoming change.

Last year, God taught me to trust Him.  This year, though it’s only April, I believe God wants me to be still.  There is nothing major about my life right now that needs to be changed.  I love my job, I love my little apartment, I love Houston and I love my church family.  My Father is meeting all of my needs on a very consistent basis through these things. 

The only thing I can conclude is the reason for my supposed need for change is that I’m addicted to it…and the reason for my restlessness is that I’m having withdrawals.

William Young has a quote at the beginning of one of the sections in his book The Shack. It goes like this:

“You can kiss your family and friends good-bye and put miles between you, but at the same time you carry them with you in your heart, your mind, your stomach, because you do not live in a world but a world lives in you.” – Frederick Buechner, Telling The Truth

This quote really resonated with me when I first read it. It speaks to the core of who I am because it is so true.

My life has consisted of putting miles (or kilometers) between myself and my loved ones on numerous occasions. At the beginning of my life, it was not by my choice. In my adult life, it has ultimately been my choice by default in my decision to strive to obey God and follow where He calls and leads me.

I have come to realize in the last few weeks that I carry with me different worlds.  When I first moved to Houston, several friends of mine described it as a place where all of their worlds collided.

I know of two people I went to high school with (at a small international Christian school in Guatemala City) who live in the Houston area.  One person I went to junior high with (at a small international Christian school in Managua, Nicaragua) apparently traded cities with me and moved to DFW a few months before I moved down here.  A friend I was in training with in Richmond, VA for the season of my life that I spent in Bucharest, Romania lives in the Houston area.  Lots of people I knew in my college years are here in Houston, many of which are a part of the reason I am here…Bayou City Fellowship.

But there is a world that I carry with me that I have not yet identified with anyone in the Houston area.  It’s one of the worlds I did not choose, I inherited it by default because of the nature of my parents’ job.  It’s a world I will never be able to shake.  It’s the one that’s more ingrained in me than any other, but that I find fewer and fewer people who understand it the older I get. This is my world that contains in it long awaited reunions, tearful goodbyes, non-biological family, friends I know I can count on no matter how much time passes from when we last spoke, explanations for my crazy quirks (ex. obsession with fireworks, the NEED to travel with my passport, the NEED to fly on an airplane at least once a year, etc).  This world has had many pains and sorrows, but uncountable blessings and joys, a wealth of experiences I wouldn’t trade for anything…even for someone who understands.  This world is the reason for who I am today, and is the reason for my worldview.  I will go so far as to say that this is the world I carry with me that causes me most to cling to Jesus.  There are people in this world who know my heart and soul.  I long for them often, because as I said, they are fewer and farther between the older I get.

So here’s my question: What world do you carry with you that you find no one around you gets?  I’m willing to hear about yours if you’re willing to hear about mine.  Houston friends, I’m ready to bear my heart to you if you will let me.

In the interest of keeping up with trying to get one blog post up a week, I decided to drop in to say hi.

I guess I just want to make a habit of posting at least once a week.

And this may just be the worst blog post ever written by me.

Ever.

Goodnight .

Happy New Year!

I can’t really complain about how 2012 has started.  I just wanted to put some things in writing that have been stirring in my heart and mind the last few days…

My prayer for this year is that 2012 will be a year in which all He has been doing in me the last few years will bear fruit. I don’t know what that looks like, but I want it so badly. I’m asking Him to use the skills and resources He has gifted me with for His glory in my workplace, my church, the city of Houston and the world. Only He knows what He will do to answer, I just have to be obedient.

I have never really been one to write down New Year’s Resolutions. Maybe that’s why I’ve not fulfilled the majority of the ones I have attempted. Perhaps I was afraid of being held accountable, of having to look at a list and tell myself I didn’t accomplish those goals. Well, I’m doing it this year. And I want you to keep me accountable (otherwise I’d write them in a journal and never look back…).

So here goes…
1. Read and meditate on Scripture daily
2. Read entries from the 2 devotional books I bought daily (these don’t count toward my 8 books)
3. Run a 1/2 marathon in March for Parul (www.asourown.org)
4. Blog at least once a week (maybe this is where you come in)
5. Make plans to see one of my lifelong best friends who I haven’t seen in 3 1/2 years (we talk on the phone weekly) and actually go through with them
6. Read 8 books (I’m a slow reader)

So bring it on, 2012!

Well folks, it’s here.  The last day of 2011. This has been a year I’ll never forget.

I kicked off 2011 in my parents house in Guatemala.  I was in that country for the last time in the foreseeable future, celebrating New Years in my very favorite way…in Antigua, with my family and fireworks.  The first few days of the year set a precedent for the rest of the year…transition.  My parents were leaving Guatemala to move to a new country. I was in my most favorite place, not knowing when I would ever go back again.  To be quite honest, 2011 started out sad for me.

Then, close to the end of February, it seems as though God put me on a rollercoaster that I’ve been on since.  The 22nd was downhill and slowly but surely uphill.  Being told I was not going to have a job the next school year and being invited to consider being a part of BCF all in a matter of a few hours was not something I ever saw coming.

My prayer throughout my transition to Houston was that if it was not the move God had for me, that He would write on the wall and close every door that would allow me to move here.  He did just the opposite.  He provided everything I needed to make the move possible.  He blew my mind and the minds of the dear ones who walked alongside me in a way that He never has before.  He opened every door and made me able to walk through them with ease and grace.

The rollercoaster didn’t end with my move to Houston, though.  In fact, I think I’m still on it.  The Lord graciously provided me with a job that fit me like a glove right off the bat.  Though I love my job, I won’t write about it, simply because of the nature of it.  I will say this, though: God used some uncertain days to continue to refine my trust in Him.  He didn’t bring me here to drop me off.  He brought me here to stay, and He has marked every last step.  It was as if He said to me every day, “I know you trust me, but I want you to trust me more. So today, I’m going to give you a reason to trust  me more. Remember, I know the plans I have for you, so trust me.”

It wasn’t easy.  There were days I kicked and screamed. I told my friends and family over and over again, “I just can’t wait for this year to be over. I’m tired of it.” But God’s faithfulness throughout my life has never given me a choice but to trust Him.

This year wasn’t all about learning tough lessons and hard transitions for me, though.  In March I got to spend a couple of days with  one of my very best friends the day her second daughter was born.  In July my parents came to the US to be only a 4 hour drive away in stead of at least a plane ride for 6 months.  In August I stood beside one of my college roommates as she pledged her life to the love of her life.  Since September I have watched and been utterly amazed along with some of my favorite people on the planet at what God is doing with and through Bayou City Fellowship.

To sum it up, 2011 has brought tears, pain, sadness, goodbyes, laughter, joy, new friends, and new life.  I admit, I am not sad to say goodbye to 2011, but I will fold down the corner of this chapter so I will always look back and remember the significance of everything this year brought.

I’m asking God to put wind in my sails for 2012.  I’m asking Him to surprise me…because after all, He teaches us to trust Him for a reason, right?

Every year at Thanksgiving, I think back on the years, and have very fond memories of every Thanksgiving tradition I have taken part in.

One of the earliest Thanksgivings I remember was spent in Western Guatemala with my mission family.  I don’t know how many people were there, but the first year we went out there, there were a lot of us.  It was several families with children, and then some single missionaries.  The town we were in was very very cold, and at the top of a rise in the Western Highlands, so there was not much protection from the wind.  We stayed with some colleagues of my parents…everyone piled in the house.  There were people sleeping everywhere…on the floor in the bedrooms, living room, and kitchen.  The kids all went up to the single missionary’s house and slept there.

In years following, that celebration became very dear to my heart.  It continued through my high school years, and there was always a story to tell, an adventure had.  My senior year of high school, my best friend (from diapers) and I had made a pact that we would climb the tallest volcano in Central America before we graduated.  I had grown up in a village down the mountain from it, so I wanted to say I had climbed “my mountain” before graduating.  The part where people hike from was only about 30 minutes from where we were, so we made arrangements that the day after Thanksgiving we would climb.  Some others were going to join us.

I remember being in a small, two room house with a bathroom in between the rooms the night before we were going to climb.  My best friend, three single female missionaries, and myself were all lined up sleeping on the floor on mattresses in one room, and two or three other single ladies were in the other room.  The wind was so loud, howling like I’d never heard it before.  It was blowing the tin of the roof, and we could feel the drafts.  At one point, I thought the house would blow off the mountain (clearly it didn’t…).

At about 2 or 3 AM, when someone in our room realized they were not the only ones away, one of the ladies busted out with a freestyle rap.  It was so funny, as we had all been lying there for hours in silence just listening to the wind and waiting for the house to blow away with us in it.

We were supposed to get up and be ready to go head to start climbing the mountain at 5:30.  At about 5:15 that morning, one of my missionary uncles let us know that it had been too windy and the decision had been made that we would not climb that day.  That was 8 years ago, and to this day, I still haven’t managed to climb my mountain.

The other Thanksgiving tradition I cherish is with my family here in the US.  Ever since I can remember, when we were in the States growing up, we always went to my great aunt and uncle’s house, where all of the offspring of my great grandparents would gather for a fabulous meal.  It’s the one time a year I get to see a lot of that part of my family, and for someone who didn’t always know all of my family members, due to being overseas my whole life, it’s nice to have had that consistency when we were Stateside.

My great uncle passed away earlier this year, so it was the first year for my second cousin and his wife to host the gathering.  We sure missed him, but the gathering was still really special.  I always enjoy the day catching up with relatives and hearing about what God is doing in their lives.

I will always treasure the Thanksgiving season because of these great memories and traditions I hold dear.  I have always had a family to celebrate it with, whether we were related by blood or not.  I have always made wonderful memories, and look forward to continuing to do so for many Thanksgivings to come.

And maybe someday, I’ll get to climb my mountain….

During this season of my life, I have many things to be thankful for. For starters, I am thankful most for God’s provision and direction in my life.  At 3:00pm on February 22 of this year, I didn’t know I would be living in a new city, with a new job, and a new church family within months.  But God knew all along.  I’m thankful for all He has brought me through and provided me with.  I can’t imagine my life any different right now.

On my drive this morning from Houston to my family’s Thanksgiving, I also got to thinking about how thankful I am for my grandparents.  I have two sets of grandparents, all still living, who love the Lord and are wonderful examples of lives lived serving Him.  All of my grandparents have left their impact in different places they’ve lived, and when I come across someone who knows them, I’m proud to say I’m their granddaughter.

I have many many more things to be thankful for, and I’m sure that I will fail to mention all of them here, but here goes……

-Parents, brother, sister-in-law and niece

-Aunts, uncles and cousins

-God’s grace and salvation

-Bayou City Fellowship

-Job

-much, much more.

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

 

Here’s what’s going on this week…..

-I had to see 15 clients in 3 days at work

-I’m on call at work over the Thanksgiving weekend

-I tried to be crafty tonight and I wasn’t successful

-I baked Chocolate Cinnamon bread for the second time in my recent baking history

-Ran my mile tonight

-I’m leaving in the morning to go to my extended family Thanksgiving and super looking forward to it

-I have much to be thankful for, which I will write about tomorrow

 

Training for a half-marathon isn’t easy. And I’m still in the get-to-where-you-can-run-one-mile-without-stopping stage.  I practically did it tonight, but I did walk a little bit. I know I did run a full mile altogether, though.

During my run, Sara Barielles’s song Many the Miles came on, and I thought it quite appropriate.  It made me think of how many miles I will be running to train to run 13.1 miles in one day.  Many, many miles are ahead of me, but I think I can do it.  Knowing I’m not alone in this is comforting.

Listening to the words of the song, though, also made me think of other things.  Sometimes I get down on myself and wonder what the deal is.  But I know there’s so much ahead of me that God has, and all will unfold in His perfect timing.  I know there are things He has for me that I will treasure, and I look forward to those moments.

The first verse of the song talks about how many sunsets the author hasn’t seen.  What a neat reminder to keep looking out for the beauty in every-day occurrences…like a sunset.  And you know I love a good sunset.

Not every line in this song speaks to my current situation, but I do see a lot of it does.  I don’t want to second guess the author, but at the end of the day, for me, this song is a good reminder of how much there is ahead of me in life.  The Lord gives me the steps, and I do my best to follow….I know He has all the miles laid out.

Many the Miles – Sara Barrielles

There’s too many things that I haven’t done yet
Too many sunsets
I haven’t seen
You can’t waste the day wishing it’d slow down
You would’ve thought by now
I’d have learned something

I made up my mind when I was a young girl
I’ve been given this one world
I won’t worry it away
But now and again I lose sight of the good life
I get stuck in a low light
But then Love comes in

How far do I have to go to get to you
Many the miles
Many the miles
How far do I have to go to get to you
Many the miles
But send me the miles and I’ll be happy to follow you Love

I do what I can wherever I end up
To keep giving my good love
And spreading it around
Cause I’ve had my fair share of take care and goodbyes
I’ve learned how to cry
And I’m better for that

Sing how far do I have to go to get to you
Many the miles
Many the miles
How far do I have to go to get to you
Many the miles
Send me the miles and I’ll be happy to
Follow you Love

Red letter day and I’m in a blue mood
Wishing that blue would just carry me away
I’ve been talking to God don’t know
If it’s helping or not
But surely something has got to got to got to give
Cause I can’t keep waiting to live

How far do I have to go to get to you
Many the miles
Many the miles
How far do I have to go to get to you
Many the miles
But send me the miles and I’ll be happy to yeah
How far do I have to go to get to you
Many the miles
Many the miles
How far do I have to go to get to you
Many the miles
Many the miles
Been talking to God don’t know if it’s helping or not
Many the miles
Many the miles
How far do I have to go to get to you
Many the miles
Many the miles
Oh send me the miles and I’ll be happy to
Follow you Love

There’s too many things I haven’t done yet
Too many sunsets I haven’t seen

I promise I’ll blog about something deep and meaningful one day.  Maybe over the weekend since I’m off Monday or Tuesday.  But for now, I’m stealing this from my friend Annalee’s blog…